The spring break was wonderful. I usually embark on a break thinking it is going to be MY time...when I would be able to put my past and present in perspective and look to what I want from my future. And, as usual, I end up vegging out doing nothing in terms of constructive thinking. Though I need add my main man, AK, helped me sort out things in my head.
Overall, it was a decent 9-10 days...began with a quiet Thursday. Went onto a hectic Friday with an interview, a job offer and a party on the back of one another. Saturday was some guests at home and chilling with a few beers Rashmi maushi got for me.
Rest of the week was a whirl of rain and relaxing, good conversation with BM, some work and generally goofing around. I can see that I'd be completely unproductive as a family guy. Thank God I'm single!
Helped BM around the house as she went on her "Revamp 2820" campaign, threw away a bunch of stuff and bought a bunch of stuff...net net the house remains crowded.
Friday the main man AK came back from India...got back a bunch of goodies...especially lot of pics. The Bbay place has turned out fab...the effort and $$s show! The Pune houses are looking good as usual. Hmmm might be interesting to figure how the flight back to Inde might look like.
Coming back was kinda crazy as the rain peaked the day I was leaving and the flight was delayed by a good 2 hrs.
Big takeaways from the spring break:
1) Watched a few movies
2) Got to read a good book
3) Realized the Mac makes for a good pic viewing experience but sucks as far as personal computer use is concerned.
4) A rain interrupted break need not always be bad
5) A break REALLY breaks the momentum for split type A/ type B personality people
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Knotty boys- the complaints of a single guy
Your friend is getting married! Happy or sad...or something in between?
If Wonder Years talks about first falling in love (and then falling in love quite a few times later on) and American Pie talks about, ummm the pie using years, Dil Chahta Hai takes off where American Pie ends. Where DCH ends is where my current post begins. When your friends are done courting (i.e. the first few days when friends around were not only OK or welcome but also sought after because they gave you the excuse and alibi to meet the "object of desire").
An interesting anecdote from personal experience: SPG is by far one of the most fertile ground for "guy meet girl" kinda scenarios. My grp did the usual stuff ppl my age did...talk life, talk school, cars, sport, women and ah yes...ogle at any PYT that passed by. We were officially nerds , so the PYTs did not hang out with us. Some day during my first MBBS the scenario changed and my main man AG seemed to attract many women to our grp. We had a nucleus of 4-5 guys and women and some guys came on n off. Interestingly, 2-3 guys got married to women who came into our grp.
One day I saw an exceedingly handsome woman with my main man. Seeing their comfort with each other I assumed she might be a cousin. Later I realized " he liked liked her"!! Can you imagine that?
I almost certainly felt cheated! At least with one of your best friends you can expect to be involved from the phase of "I like her...should I talk to her or maybe not".
To be told FYI can most certainly be looked on as being cheated out of an important experience. Having said that VS was another good main man. He let me experience the process! It is kinda fun.
You know how you have built a boat out of a good sheet of paper and its raining heavily. You know the boat is a work of art but at the end of the day its destiny is to float away...
Friendship is like that. At 12, at 20 even at 24 your friendships keep you going. They nourish your soul and strengthen your heart. How any relationship can be better than a good friendship is still beyond me...it is a work of art, I say! Yet, its destiny is to be cast away. Some relationships break the boat's contact with the shore...some come out stronger!
The marriage of the first of your closest friends is usually a traumatic experience. It's like sharing a part of your soul with someone you don't know...possibly with someone you never grow to like. If the "other person" hurts your friend...you hate her/him for that. If she makes your friend so happy that your own contribution is marginal (at best)...you can take that badly as well.
An ideal, yet very infrequently encountered situation, where the couple bonds with a special friend so they can truthfully say "We may be a couple and can't share certain things with you...but you have a special place in our joys that even we cant take away".
Once the world knows (read: guy's n girl's parents) the alibis and excuses can be dispensed with. Then, suddenly, the friends are no longer welcome. Heck, if was welcome I wouldnt want to be around a couple newly in love...the crap they talk brings on waves of nausea and revulsion for me. Here's a couple, that met recently, trying to figure what they are going to name their kid or what kind of house they would buy first up. The topic might be normal to the surface but the interaction (where is the soap...helps me deal with the nausea).
Its weird as mush to the power infinity.
As the wedding approaches friends are welcome again...tis the season for communal joy and festivities...not merely of twosomes.
After marriage...now thats a topic all unto itself. I hope to write over this in some depth on a long dreary rainy afternoon.
The topic to explore here (and some more later) is: Where does the "friend" die or fade off and where does the "lover" or "relationship man" arise from? Was it always there in him, like a seed waiting to strike root and grow or is it actually the love of a woman drawing water from stone?
There seems to be more proof for the first hypothesis. But you never saw it! You never knew your friends had it in them to neglect many friendship for the love of one woman. The same person who called you out of the med school library for an arbit game of ping pong or the friend who made you go on a bike ride for gas and ended up driving 25 km in wild rain to have THAT perfect cutting chai in Nerul...is no more. The spontaneity is dead! and what lives of it is reserved for the spouse. Is this innate behavior or do we do this because we see others around us (parents, older siblings, aunts n uncles) do it?
Why is spontaneity with friends the cost of the love of a woman? Does the woman seek this sacrifice of spontaneity as her "pound of flesh" or is this (even more scarily) the way your friend prefers it?
Sam asked a good question: So after all this venting...errr...is this good or bad "friend" to "lover" transition". The answer is contextual...whose point of view are we looking from.
It's obviously good for the woman and possibly for the guy (though the jury is still out on that one). You won't hear these groans and complaints from married men "friends"...for some/most parts the "friend" inside them is replaced by the relationship man. They dont miss it. They can also identify with it. You will hear single friends cry for a boat that floated away too far, out of sight but not out of mind.
Reminds me of this "not so related to the topic" line from Wyatt Earp
Character: Why you doing this for Wyatt? You know its dangerous...you can get killed!
Doc: Cuz Wyatt's my good friend
Character: Heck, I got lotsa good friends!
Doc: I don't...
If Wonder Years talks about first falling in love (and then falling in love quite a few times later on) and American Pie talks about, ummm the pie using years, Dil Chahta Hai takes off where American Pie ends. Where DCH ends is where my current post begins. When your friends are done courting (i.e. the first few days when friends around were not only OK or welcome but also sought after because they gave you the excuse and alibi to meet the "object of desire").
An interesting anecdote from personal experience: SPG is by far one of the most fertile ground for "guy meet girl" kinda scenarios. My grp did the usual stuff ppl my age did...talk life, talk school, cars, sport, women and ah yes...ogle at any PYT that passed by. We were officially nerds , so the PYTs did not hang out with us. Some day during my first MBBS the scenario changed and my main man AG seemed to attract many women to our grp. We had a nucleus of 4-5 guys and women and some guys came on n off. Interestingly, 2-3 guys got married to women who came into our grp.
One day I saw an exceedingly handsome woman with my main man. Seeing their comfort with each other I assumed she might be a cousin. Later I realized " he liked liked her"!! Can you imagine that?
I almost certainly felt cheated! At least with one of your best friends you can expect to be involved from the phase of "I like her...should I talk to her or maybe not".
To be told FYI can most certainly be looked on as being cheated out of an important experience. Having said that VS was another good main man. He let me experience the process! It is kinda fun.
You know how you have built a boat out of a good sheet of paper and its raining heavily. You know the boat is a work of art but at the end of the day its destiny is to float away...
Friendship is like that. At 12, at 20 even at 24 your friendships keep you going. They nourish your soul and strengthen your heart. How any relationship can be better than a good friendship is still beyond me...it is a work of art, I say! Yet, its destiny is to be cast away. Some relationships break the boat's contact with the shore...some come out stronger!
The marriage of the first of your closest friends is usually a traumatic experience. It's like sharing a part of your soul with someone you don't know...possibly with someone you never grow to like. If the "other person" hurts your friend...you hate her/him for that. If she makes your friend so happy that your own contribution is marginal (at best)...you can take that badly as well.
An ideal, yet very infrequently encountered situation, where the couple bonds with a special friend so they can truthfully say "We may be a couple and can't share certain things with you...but you have a special place in our joys that even we cant take away".
Once the world knows (read: guy's n girl's parents) the alibis and excuses can be dispensed with. Then, suddenly, the friends are no longer welcome. Heck, if was welcome I wouldnt want to be around a couple newly in love...the crap they talk brings on waves of nausea and revulsion for me. Here's a couple, that met recently, trying to figure what they are going to name their kid or what kind of house they would buy first up. The topic might be normal to the surface but the interaction (where is the soap...helps me deal with the nausea).
Its weird as mush to the power infinity.
As the wedding approaches friends are welcome again...tis the season for communal joy and festivities...not merely of twosomes.
After marriage...now thats a topic all unto itself. I hope to write over this in some depth on a long dreary rainy afternoon.
The topic to explore here (and some more later) is: Where does the "friend" die or fade off and where does the "lover" or "relationship man" arise from? Was it always there in him, like a seed waiting to strike root and grow or is it actually the love of a woman drawing water from stone?
There seems to be more proof for the first hypothesis. But you never saw it! You never knew your friends had it in them to neglect many friendship for the love of one woman. The same person who called you out of the med school library for an arbit game of ping pong or the friend who made you go on a bike ride for gas and ended up driving 25 km in wild rain to have THAT perfect cutting chai in Nerul...is no more. The spontaneity is dead! and what lives of it is reserved for the spouse. Is this innate behavior or do we do this because we see others around us (parents, older siblings, aunts n uncles) do it?
Why is spontaneity with friends the cost of the love of a woman? Does the woman seek this sacrifice of spontaneity as her "pound of flesh" or is this (even more scarily) the way your friend prefers it?
Sam asked a good question: So after all this venting...errr...is this good or bad "friend" to "lover" transition". The answer is contextual...whose point of view are we looking from.
It's obviously good for the woman and possibly for the guy (though the jury is still out on that one). You won't hear these groans and complaints from married men "friends"...for some/most parts the "friend" inside them is replaced by the relationship man. They dont miss it. They can also identify with it. You will hear single friends cry for a boat that floated away too far, out of sight but not out of mind.
Reminds me of this "not so related to the topic" line from Wyatt Earp
Character: Why you doing this for Wyatt? You know its dangerous...you can get killed!
Doc: Cuz Wyatt's my good friend
Character: Heck, I got lotsa good friends!
Doc: I don't...
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